Harold says I'm just setting myself up to get hurt by having an online diary. *small laugh* I think I have to agree with him - this has caused me more trouble than it has solved. I'm not sure if I want to keep up with this blog anymore. I'm contemplating going to another blogsite I found (and a very nice one at that), and making it private so only those I want to view it can. So.. yeah.. *shrugs* We'll see.

Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.
I'll take it by your side.
Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide.
I'll take it by your side.
Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies.
I'll take it by your side.
Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide.
I'll take it by your side.

tick - tock - tick - tock - tick - tock
tick - tick - tick - tick - tick - tock

I'm unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech,
Your slipping slowly from my reach.
You grow me like an evergreen,
You never see the lonely me at all

I...
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
I...
Fall.
Without you, I'm Nothing.
Without you, I'm nothing.
Without you, I'm nothing.
Take the plan, spin it sideways.
Without you, I'm nothing at all.

Wow, it's been.. *thinks* nearly a whole month since I last posted a real entry in here. Not that anything of severe importance has really happened since then.. Wait.. Yes it has. *sighs* I wish it hadn't though. Each time I think about it I can feel myself retreating further and further away from myself. And from her.

I suppose I should say what happened, despite the fact that I kind of like the idea of leaving you all in the dark about it. *evil laugh*

Long story short, I had a fight with Chrissy. And it's really killing me that she thinks this about me. I just can't stand it. I can't stand it because I've caused it and I've made her feel that way. And I don't want her to feel like that, not about me or about anything. I hate myself for that. I mean, really hate myself. I.. Ugh, I just can't get over it.

I thought things might be okay after Friday night [she slept over at my house, we watched Velvet Goldmine and Placebo: Live in Olympia 2000, it was fun ^_^]. But maybe I was wrong. It's like suddenly she's become the best of friends with Ashleigh, and I mean, I'm all for that, but.. not to the point when we can barely look at each other. There's just something not working out between us - I don't know exactly what that is. But it's something, and it's definitely there. It's getting to the stage where I almost feel uncomfortable around her. I just hate her so much sometimes, but at the same time I can't stop loving her. She's the reason I'm still here, but she's the reason I want to die. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the only way I can put it into words that makes the slightest amount of sense.

Why, Goddess, why do I get myself into situations like this? I'm starting to question my beliefs, my values.. I've lived all my life with the same ones, and they've done jack all for me, so maybe they're the wrong ones. I don't feel comfortable around the majority of the people in the group I hang around with at school. I'm not accepted by them. God knows why. I mean, it's not like I've done anything to alienate myself from them, at least, not that I can see, and certainly not on purpose. And of those people in the group that I feel comfortable with, and actually like (and they like me back, which is more than I can say for the rest of them), probably won't get into Narrabundah next year. [Sally & Leanne have about a 1% chance of getting in, unfortunately, and there's the slight possibility that Georgia & Chrissy won't get in either..] So isn't that just fantastic. I'll go through my college years with a bunch of fuckers who don't give a shit about me. Yay.

Fuck this. I don't think I can type anymore today, and the bell's about to go for lunch anyway.

Katie: Thanks so much for the pictures hon, you're gorgeous. Hopefully we'll be able to talk again soon. Love you always, xxx.

<< Signed off: 12.47pm.

*squeals* wheee!!! BRIAN!!!

If I were a [feminine] gay man... by 38886
Your name
Your Gay Man Name	Jerry
Your Gay Man Occupation	MTV Real World Contestent
Your Stereotypical Gay Man Trait	Telling girls "You go, girl!"
Your Gay Man Music of Choice	Mindless Self Indulgence
Your Gay Man Cause of Death	Chased down by Catholic mob
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

It's beside the point that my name isn't really Katherine, but I thought the answers were better than Kate or Tahlia..

What will your last words be? by cum_on_bitch
Your LJ username
Your real name
Your sex
Your age
Your last words will be...	"this pain it'll go away soon, right?"
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

*stares in shock* well, fuck me.

I am 68% Goth

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

Take the Goth Test at fuali.com

I am 45% Tortured Artist

I have some artistic ability, but it is probably a hobby and doesn't drive my life into a dark abysmal hole were I am alone and against the world.

Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com

I am 55% Grunge

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.

Take the Grunge Test at fuali.com

Which Rock Chick Are You?

this is my way to live
What about yours? made by rav-chan

*sweatdrop* ..umm.. good?

Don't worry everyone - I haven't lost my mind. I do plan on writing my version of the Placebo concert soon. I would now, but I don't have the setlist on me.. Wait.. Chrissy has it. *runs off to get it*

Well, let's start at the beginning. The concert was at 8pm on Friday 25th July at the Enmore Theatre, for those of you who didn't know, so Chrissy & I drove up to Sydney in the morning, and spent the afternoon bumming around in the hotel. As we were driving up, we heard Mel & Charlie on Triple J saying that they would be interviewing Placebo at 3 o'clock that afternoon, so we listened to that from the radio alarm clock in our bedroom. Mel: So what do you boys do in your spare time? Brian: Oh you know, meditation, yoga.. channeling the white light of the universe.. *giggles* hehe.. yeah. :) God, I love him. *beams*

So that ended up being at 4.30, so we slept for a bit and did nothing of particular interest until after dinner. I had borrowed Leanne's short pink skirt (which I had, by the way, hemmed & tacked for her *lol*), so after dinner we got ready and headed off to the Enmore. [I ended up wearing my baggy jeans with the pink skirt over the top, my black belt with the metal holes in it, my fishnet tanktop, and Chrissy's dog collar, along with a hell of a lot of neon fuck bands. I was like "hmm.. I wonder if they glow in the dark.." Turns out they did :) lol].

So off we head to the Enmore. Wow. Freaks galore. It was fantastic. I don't know if I could count myself as one of the freaks, but it was just so much fun hanging around with them all. All the goths, punks, rockers - just freaks in general, really. You should have seen some of the looks we got from random people walking down the street. It was great. :) We got to the Enmore at about 6.30, I believe, but the doors didn't open until 7.30. ^^;;;

We had decided that we'd skip the merchandise and go buy some after the concert instead, so that we could get a better place down the front. And my God, we were RIGHT down the front, right up against the barrier. Slightly to the right of the stage, but about a metre (maybe half a metre) from Stef, and about 5 metres from Brian. We couldn't really see Steve because there was a cymbal in his face all night *giggles* but that was okay. We had Brian & Stef to think about. ^__^

Okay, set list:

1. Bulletproof Cupid - so much better than on the CD. very energetic, a great way to start the concert. Like, they come on and just suddenly burst into the guitar riff - it was amazing.
2. Allergic - they've been playing this at most of their SWG performances, so I kind of expected it. But it was good nonetheless. :)
3. very You Every Me - enter sing-a-long song number 1. Everyone was singing, and Brian was just bouncing all over the stage. ^_^
4. Protect Me From What I Want - *giggles* whee! insane harmonica playing!! This song was absolutely amazing - at the beginning, Brian came and stood singing right in front of us. He was so close! And he did some *ahem* interesting hand movements along the mike :D
5. Plasticine - this song absolutely went off live! It was great - so full of energy, really got everyone dancing. ^_^
6. Sleeping With Ghosts / Soulmates - I'd never heard the Soulmates version of SWG before, and I was like "ooh, this is different". Much rockier than the original SWG track, very good. Bri changed some of the lyrics to "fuck the government, fuck their killings, fuck their lies" and everyone was like "yeah!!" and screamed madly. lol :)
7. The Bitter End - "Stop me if you've heard this one before" *giggles* I love Brian. ^__^ This totally went off as well - the beginning riff really got everyone into the swing of things.
8. Black-Eyed - I love this song, and it was just fantastic live. Sing-a-long song number 2.
9. I’ll Be Yours - "this is a song about fear, frustration, desire, and death.." so true. a very moving song live.
10. Special Needs - "remember me.." mmm, beautiful song. love it. :)
11. English Summer Rain - my second favourite Placebo song. It was great to hear it live, especially with Brian's funky dancing. *giggles*
12. Without You I’m Nothing - *sighs* I love this song. When Bri began playing the intro to it, I was just like "Oh. My. God. *eyes go teary*" It was brilliant, as always.
13. This Picture - I absolutely adore the "I hold an image of the ashtray girl, cigarette burns on my chest.." introduction to this song. I love the way Brian changes the pauses when singing it live in the above intro & also at the end, where he sings "can't stop growing old..". mmm, beautiful.
14. Special K - This song just plain rocks!! I love it - I went through a stage where this was my "saviour song", if you will. So yeah.. It was nice to hear it live and be there in person.

FIRST ENCORE
15. Taste In Men - Oh. My. Fucking. God. *dies* Brian and Stef were so hot in this song!! I.. Well, I think Chrissy said it pretty well in her LJ, so you can check out her response to it there. But basically, Brian & Stef & Steve all came on for the first encore - Steve went and sat down at his drums & had a bit of a smoke, and Bri & Stef came on without their instruments, and started dancing, touching, grinding.. you know, the whole deal. ^__^ Brian looked as though he was about to take Stef's shirt off (it was already halfway up Stef's chest from Brian mauling him *lol*), and Chrissy yelled "TAKE IT OFF!" and then they went off to get their instruments. *laughs* Ah well, what can you do? lol. Mmm... it was so good. :)
16. Slave To The Wage - "Sick and tired of Tony's farm, he's George Bush's bitch with broken arms.." Hehe, I love this song, it's just so energetic. Hell, I just love Brian!! ^____^
17. Pure Morning - What can I say? Probably the most famous Placebo song, and probably one of the best too. You've got to love it. :D

SECOND ENCORE
18. Centrefolds - Hmm.. I'm really not all that keen on this song, especially not on the record, but it was actually really good live. Really moving. Stef played keyboard for it, and there were quite a few seemingly-seductive looks shared over the keyboard (lmao) between Bri & Stef.
19. Teenage Angst - I'm glad thye played this. It's such a fantastic song, and as much as I like the piano version, it gets on my nerves sometimes, simply because they play it so much (the piano version, that is). The version they played on the night was semi-acoustic, if you will. No piano/keyboard, but it was slightly slower than on the album. Brian was jumping all over the place (Stef played guitar for this song, Brian just sang with a cordless mike) and was standing on top of all the amps and everything. Being the short guy he is, he couldn't reach the really huge amp slightly to the right of us, so he stood on the little baby amp, then jumped onto the boxes of water bottles next to the big amp, and quite literally clambered on top of the big amp. *laughs* It was so funny!! We were all moving out arms as though we were worshipping him, and he looked at me and smiled. *squeals* God, I'm such a fangirl. ^____^
20. Where Is My Mind - Ooh, Stef's dancing & hand movements in this song! So fantastic. A great way to end the concert, I loved every minute of it too. :)

So, in conclusion, I had a fucking fantastic time. Thank you so much, Chrissy, for coming with me - if it weren't for you, I would never have gon. So thank you. :)

..I think I'll write about the signing tomorrow, or something. *shrugs* I have to scan in my photos too, so I'll do it all at once, maybe when I don't have so much work. Hope you all enjoyed that. :)

note: finished during Computer Programming, Monday August 11 at 12.30pm. ^___^

4 sleeps.. *half smile*

fuck. i'm not even back at school yet, and she hath returned to me already.

5 sleeps..

I tried explaining to Chrissy what Placebo's 'Days Before You Came' means to me today. I'd post some of what I said here, but that will have to wait, as it's saved on the other computer and I can't be bothered going to all the effort it takes to transfer it over to this one. I'll do it tomorrow.

I think she got what I meant.. I mean, I hope she did because it means so much to me and I want to share that with someone special to me, hence sharing it with Chrissy. I hope she understood what I was trying to say. If she did, I'm unexplainably happy, because even I had a hard time trying to understand what it is I feel when I listen to that song. I tried playing it to Leanne once, tried to share the beauty of it. It almost goes without saying that she didn't understand what it meant to me. I suppose I didn't really expect her to, considering as she barely even listened to it as I played it for her. Maybe that was just how it was meant to be, who knows.

What I do know is that if Placebo play 'Days Before You Came' when I see them live in concert in 7 days time from now at the Enmore in Sydney, I can die happy. I know it sounds stupid, but that song just means so much to me. I can't put it into words. Hell, I don't think I even understand its influence myself. But if Placebo do play it, I'll.. I don't know.. I'll just be so indescribably happy, to put it plainly.

No-one can free you now,
From the chains around your heart..

7 sleeps..

If you wanna save her
then first you'll have to save yourself
if you wanna free her from the hurt
then don't do it with your pain
if you wanna see her smile again
don't show her you're afraid
cause your circle of fear is the same

love can be as cold as grave
a one way ticket to endless summon
an empire of gentle hate
today without tomorrow

If you wanna save her
then first you'll have to save yourself
if you wanna free her from the hurt
then don't do it with your pain
if you wanna see her smile again
don't show her you're afraid
cause your circle of fear is the same

it's the circle of regret
the circle of hate
the circle of death
your circle of fear is the same
your circle of fear is the same

If you wanna save her
then first you'll have to save yourself
if you wanna free her from the hurt
then don't do it with your pain
if you wanna see her smile again
don't show her you're afraid
cause your circle of fear is the same
your circle of fear is the same
your circle of fear is the same
your circle of fear is the same
your circle of fear is the same..

This fortress of tears
I've built from my fears for you
This fortress won't fall
I've built it strong for you

No one can free you now
from the chains around your heart
don't be afraid now
just dive in this emptiness
and hold your breath on your way down

This fortress of tears
I've built from my fears for you
This fortress won't fall
I've built it strong for you

No one can hurt you now
in this haven safe and sound
just hold your breath on your way down

This fortress of tears
I've built from my fears for you
This fortress won't fall
I've built it strong for you...

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

And again we're falling for disgrace
And hate will shelter us from the rain
We are enslaved by the sacred heart of shame
And gently raped by the light of day

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverence
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

Addicted to our divine despair
But you will follow us to death

We are like the living dead
Sacrificing all we have
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverence
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire

With a soul on
Soul on
Soul on
Fire

Soul on fire

Now

Feeling turning your heart into stone
Feeling piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall

Oh I see you crawl you can barely walk
With arms wide open you keep on begging for more
I've been there before knocking on the same door
It's when hate turns to love and love to hate
Faith to doubt and doubts to faith

Now

Feeling turning your heart into stone
Feeling piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall

every time we touch we get closer to heaven
and with every sunrise our sins are forgiven
you on my skin - this must be the end
the only way you could love me is to hurt me again
and again, and again....

Your love is a razorblade kiss
the sweetest is the taste from your lips